


(but i'm only) human

by ImotoChan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cutting, Drug Use, I'm so sorry, M/M, Sad sad sad, anxiety/depression, i'm trash with summaries, so much sad and angst, tsukki's a druggie and yamaguchi's depressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 20:20:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2554307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImotoChan/pseuds/ImotoChan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In this world full of liars, of abusers and the abused, do things like love even exist?</p>
<p>Or:</p>
<p>Tsukishima does drugs, Yamaguchi is depressed, and the world can only be seen in shades of grey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(but i'm only) human

**Author's Note:**

> i literally
> 
> just
> 
> hngh
> 
> why did i write this trainwreck who knows 
> 
> (cry w/ me @ http://bunnies-html.tumblr.com/ )  
> i hope you manage to enjoy it
> 
> (oh and the lyrics used are from christina perri's song human)

_i can hold my breath_

 

“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi pulls on the blonde’s sleeve, looking up to try and meet his gaze.

 

“Yeah?” Tsukishima takes a puff of the cigarette in between his fingers. casting a glance to the boy on the rooftop sitting beside him.

 

“You should really stop smoking.” Yamaguchi frowns, lifting two fingers to his own lips and gesturing the motion, shaking his head. “You’re going to get lung cancer and die!” He says this with a cautious laugh, neither wanting to seem too concerned or too carefree.

 

“And?” Another puff.

 

“Well, I’d be lonely if you died.” Yamaguchi twirls his bangs, smiling faintly.

 

“I won’t die,” Tsukishima states, and Yamaguchi wants to believe him, after all he’s Tsukki, the strong and the invincible and the perfect Tsukki, but still---

 

“Not anytime soon, anyway.”

 

Yamaguchi takes a small breath, nodding silently, and biting his lower lip. “You can’t leave me, Tsukki.”

 

“What about you?” Tsukishima turns and takes a few steps forward, breathing out a cloud of smoke, “Are you going to leave?”

 

Yamaguchi pulls gently at his sleeves, hoping to hide what lies underneath them, “Of course not, Tsukki!”

 

“I wouldn't care if I died.” Tsukishima stubbing the cigarette butt on the wall before the staircase, “If I die, I’m dead, right?”

 

Yamaguchi stands, walking towards the blonde, “I guess that’d be the case, right?”

 

“Yamaguchi, do you want to die?”

 

Yamaguchi glances up at darkened sky, wondering if the thunder that will come later will be louder than last week, “Ah, maybe?”

 

“What if you cut too deep?” Tsukishima asks, gently grabbing hold of the boy’s arm.

 

Yamaguchi smiles, removing his arm from Tsukishima’s light grip, his eyes downcast, “Well, then I was meant to die.”

_i can bite my tongue_

 

The fine line between lovers and fuck-buddies was always a blur to Yamaguchi. He knows Tsukishima simply uses him when he’s bored, that there truly is not the faintest hint of love in the way Tsukishima thrusts into him, or the way the room smells, it should feel like safety in Tsukishima’s arms, but it’s the sweaty stench of sex that encloses him, nails digging into his back, teeth marks on his neck.

 

Somewhere between their first and second year in High School, Tsukishima's stopped showing up to school. Yamaguchi had gone to his home, only to find the boy wrapped in the comforter on his bed, saying that he was ill. The smell of the air was similar to what the bathroom’s in the boy’s locker room smelled like, thick and heavy and not pleasant at all.

 

Yamaguchi had tried to get Tsukishima to tell him how or why he started smoking, why he suddenly started doing more and more drugs, Yamaguchi had lost count of the different kinds of bags he had labelled, marijuana and cocaine and a handful of obscure ones he had never heard of.

 

Yamaguchi was concerned, Yamaguchi was so _so_ concerned, what if one day Tsukishima just disappeared? What if one day Yamaguchi woke up, and there would be no Tsukki to see, no Tsukki to bother, no Tsukki to love?

 

Tsukishima came to school occasionally, but never to practice, and Yamaguchi ended up quitting the team too, wanting to spend more time with Tsukishima, and seeing no reason to stay where he isn't needed.

 

Yamaguchi spends countless hours with Tsukishima, fearing what waits for him at home.

 

For some reason, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima don’t laugh like they used to.

 

Yamaguchi hates the change, he misses being called pathetic with a small smirk, he misses Tsukishima’s teasing, his sarcastic personality, he misses how things used to be. Now, their days are full of nothing, Yamaguchi feels like the sun has suddenly set for a lifetime, he can only see the world in shades of gray, there is no happiness. He’s empty, there’s nothing left for him, no volleyball, no home to go to, no one to love him.

 

Yamaguchi wonders if Tsukishima could ever change to who he used to be.

 

There’s nothing left of their friendship, there’s only sex and a desire to be rid of life’s troubles.

 

On late nights, when Tsukishima’s mother is home, Yamaguchi returns to his own house, never waking the boy whose fallen asleep beside him.

 

His father always welcomes him with a slap to the face, lifting him by the collar and shoving him against the wall, yelling incoherently. He’ll see a new bruise forming on Yamaguchi’s neck, and breathe against it; the terrible stench of alcohol.

 

“You little slut, you’re supposed to be _mine_.”

 

Yamaguchi’s life is full of uncertainness, why do Tsukishima’s nails digging into his skin make him happier than that disgusting old man’s?

 

He’s just as disgusting, Yamaguchi knows he’s disgusting, he’s a monster, he doesn’t deserve the happiness he’s searching for.

 

Why does he feel so empty? Where did the past suddenly go? How did he let it slip away?

 

Tsukishima is his only purpose, but even he will one day be too far out of reach.

 

Some nights, the blade cuts deeper than it feels.

 

_i can stay awake for days_

 

There are the good days, when Tsukishima and Yamaguchi walk home together, shoulders brushing, a temptation to reach out the hand that is close but yet oceans away. They walk in silence, never questioning it.

 

There are days when they’ll eat dinner together, fall asleep on Tsukishima’s couch. One of them would wake up, smiling at the mess of limbs they’d become, but quickly escaping the other’s arms, not wanting to have that feeling of warmth for a moment longer, because that would lead to more pointless yearning.

 

They never talk about it, what exactly their relationship is. They’ve never exchanged “I love you’s, but the way Tsukishima looks at Yamaguchi when he spares a rare smile, and the way Yamaguchi laughs when Tsukishima seems the slightest bit flustered, it seems like it’s real, that love and happiness is something they could possibly have.

 

But, surely, it couldn’t ever be.

 

In this world full of liars, of abusers and the abused, do things like love even exist?

 

Yamaguchi and Tsukishima refuse to believe they could fall into something so shallow, something that could broken easily. What is the point in loving if in the end all things are destroyed?

 

On some mornings when they wake beside each other, no words pass between them. Their hands may be intertwined, and their foreheads may be touching, but no, it isn’t love.

 

No amount of pretending could make them believe that their lives were not as lonely as they seemed.

 

_if that’s what you want_

 

Tsukishima doesn’t know when he picked up his first cigarette, when he rolled his first joint of weed. He thinks it might’ve been sometime between his father’s death and his elder brother’s disappearance.

 

There was no father to ruffle his hair and congratulate him on his perfect scores on arithmetic tests, no brother to pull him into a headlock, laughing and grinning, saying how proud he was to have such a talented little brother.

 

The car crash was not expected, his brother believed it was his fault, not the drunk driver who had drove right into the side of the car, where his father sat. None of it was supposed to happen, he wasn't supposed to die, Akiteru was not supposed to run away, they were going to watch Tsukishima go to nationals, they were going to watch him grow up and graduate, get married, have a child, they were supposed to stay with him.

 

His mother could barely make ends meet, always coming home with a tired smile on her face, sometimes a drunk man on her shoulder. On those nights Tsukishima would leave, not wanting to be in the same house while his mother did what she thought was needed to keep what was left of their family together.

 

Tsukishima remembers finding the group of boys behind the school after practice one day, they were passing around a smoking tube, and before he had known it, Tsukishima had joined them. It’s become a part of him, buying from them and going home by himself, trying to get rid of the blandness of everyday life.

 

When Yamaguchi found out, he had cried, telling Tsukishima he shouldn’t waste away like that, but Tsukishima had lost it, yelling at Yamaguchi about his scars and how he had no right to say anything about how Tsukishima chose to live.

 

Both of them knew about the other, how empty life had become, how there was no longer a purpose to keep trying.

 

If by chance, one day Yamaguchi does cut too deep, or if Tsukishima smokes one joint too much, well, they aren’t afraid of it.

 

Death was always a possibility, there wasn’t a choice, and if they were to leave, then that would be that.

 

If it were to knock on their doors, they would welcome it with open arms.

 

_be your number one_

 

Yamaguchi wakes up surrounded by white walls, a table beside him, and a blanket pulled over him. He bites his lips till it starts bleeding, and his heart begins to race. Anxiety gnaws at his insides and he feels nausea, he clenches his jaws and his fist, his nails digging into the palms.

 

“Yamaguchi?”

 

A blonde figure appears and Yamaguchi immediately feels relieved, unclenching his hands he turns his head to the side and smiles, “I passed out again, huh?”

 

Tsukishima shrugs as he sits into the chair beside the bed, “Yeah.”

 

“Did you carry me here?” After looking around once more, Yamaguchi realizes they’re in their school’s infirmary.

 

Tsukishima nods, taking out a cigarette and lighting, gaining a grunt of a disapproval from Yamaguchi. “We’re at school!”

 

“Nurse isn’t here.” Tsukishima states, lifting it to his lips and breathing in.

 

“Yamaguchi,”

 

“What?”

 

“You need to take better care of yourself.”

 

Yamaguchi can’t help the laugh that escapes, and smiles at the confusion on Tsukishima’s face. “Like you should be telling anyone to take better care of themselves.”

 

Tsukishima frowns, puffing out a cloud of smoke.

 

“I’ll start taking care of myself when you stop slowly killing yourself.”

 

“Yamaguchi---”

 

“It’s okay if you can’t, I don’t plan on changing anytime soon.” Yamaguchi mumbles, pulling the blanket over his mouth, “I couldn’t if I wanted to.”

 

The light kiss on his forehead isn’t expected, but it isn’t unwanted, and it’s the first real warmth Yamaguchi’s felt in years.

 

“Pathetic.” Tsukishima murmurs, burying his face into the pillow. Yamaguchi chuckles, turning his head to the side to meet Tsukishima’s blonde hair, the scent of his shampoo clings to it.

 

“Sorry, Tsukki.”

 

_i can do it, i can do it_

 

“K-kei…!” Yamaguchi hips thrust upward to match Tsukishima's pace, and moments later they’re both coming, Tsukishima letting out a low growl from the back of his throat.

 

They lie beside each other, breathing heavily. Tsukishima’s is the first to sit up, and Yamaguchi soon follows. The blonde lights a cigarette, and Yamaguchi can’t help but laugh.

 

“What’s so funny?”

 

“Nothing! It’s just,” Yamaguchi smiles, “I can’t believe you’re actually smoking after we just had sex.”

 

“What’s wrong with it?”

 

Yamaguchi shakes his head, “Nothing, Tsukki.”

 

“Can I try?”

 

Tsukishima raises an eyebrow, “Try what?”

 

“Smoking.”

 

Tsukishima expression visibly darkens, his lips forming an “oh” as he breathes out a puff of smoke. “No.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I don’t want you to ruin yourself like me.” Tsukishima seems angry at Yamaguchi for even thinking such thing, and Yamaguchi smiles, because Tsukishima is concerned, and Yamaguchi feels happy (the most happy he ever feels) that Tsukishima worries.

 

“But Tsukki--”

 

“What?” Tsukishima snaps bitterly.

 

“I’m already ruined.”

 

Tsukishima puts out the flame and shuffles closer to Yamaguchi, placing his hand over his, “No, you may be pathetic, but you aren’t ruined.”

 

Yamaguchi giggles and leans over, resting his head on Tsukishima’s shoulder, “Okay, Tsukki.”

 

_but i’m only human_

 

That night Yamaguchi goes home, only to be greeted by his father.

 

He isn’t happy, not at all.

 

Before he knows it, he’s being thrown on the bed, and his neck is being bitten at. His shirt is lying on the floor somewhere along with the rest of his clothing.

 

His father licks at the bruises he leaves and Yamaguchi shudders, because it’s so utterly revolting.

 

“You like that, huh?”

 

Yamaguchi groans, trying to get the man off him, but fails. He feels a finger enter him, followed by another two.

 

“Aren’t you glad I’m prepping you? Not that your asshole needs it, fucking slut.”

 

He hates it, he hates being violated, it hurts, it hurts so much more than when Tsukishima does it, gentle fingers soothing him, not wanting to seem loving, but never harsh.

 

Yamaguchi bites his cheek to keep from crying when he enters him, no lube on his cock. He feels like his insides are being torn apart and he wants to scream, but he knows that’ll only encourage that disgusting man.  

 

_it hurts._

 

He finishes, continuing to thrust into Yamaguchi in hopes of milking his oragasm to the fullest. He comes inside him, only pulling out after he’s completely done.

 

He fingers Yamaguchi, earning pleasure from the pained sounds he makes, and places his mouth over Yamaguchi’s cock, licking it thoroughly.

 

Yamaguchi hates this, he hates how he’s enjoying this.

 

Once he comes, that disgusting man snickers, calling Yamaguchi a slut one final time before leaving him alone in his bedroom.

 

The stench is even worse than when he and Tsukishima have sex.

 

Yamaguchi falls asleep, crying quietly. He wakes at three am, and goes to take a shower. He sees the blade and can’t help himself, and he knows he’s cutting deeper than he’s supposed to.

 

The showers runs red and Yamaguchi tightly bandages his wrists afterwards.

 

He calls the only person who he knows would be awake at this hour, the only person he could run too.

 

The phone rings five times before going to voicemail.

 

Yamaguchi guesses that Tsukishima must have gone to sleep earlier, but that was not likely, and despite himself, he begins to worry. He calls his house phone, and that too goes to voicemail.

 

Yamaguchi jumps out of bed, ignoring the pain shooting through his lower body. He pulls on sweatpants and his boots, grabbing his phone he runs out the door.

 

He doesn’t realize how much he really needs Tsukishima. He’s known all along that he was hopeless without him, but he never thought about what would happen if Tsukishima did leave, yes, he’s thought about how much he’d despair if the boy were to suddenly be gone, but it never came to him that he really could.

 

Tsukishima was like sand, always slipping between Yamaguchi’s fingers

 

Yamaguchi really hopes his feet can carry him to Tsukishima's in time to save the last few grains before those too are gone for good.

 

_and i bleed when i fall down_

 

The door to his house is unlocked and Yamaguchi runs in, racing up the stairs and into Tsukishima's room and turns the lights on.

 

The boy is leaning against the foot of his bed, his head tilted back slightly. There’s blood dripping down his face, and Yamaguchi suddenly notices how many dark marks are on his skin. There’s one on his neck, going past his collarbone and underneath the neck of dampening tshirt.

 

Tsukishima sees him and mumbles something weakly, struggling to move his mouth to form coherent words.

 

Yamaguchi keeps himself from screaming and sits beside the boy, eyeing the rolled up tubes scattered on the floor.

 

“Got in a fight…” Tsukishima mutters, eyes fluttering shut.

 

“I think I took too much…”

 

“I think I’m dying…”

 

“I’m already dead.”

 

Yamaguchi’s holding on tightly to Tsukishima’s hands, telling him he’s not dead, telling him he’ll call the hospital right now and that he’ll be okay, that they’ll be okay, that they’ll change and that somehow they’ll make it through, that they’ll both live forever, and they’ll never leave each other’s side.

 

The blonde shakes his head, and gives his best smile, but it’s lopsided, and doesn’t sit well on Tsukishima’s lips.

 

“Don’t end up like me. Please...live...Tadashi.”

 

Yamaguchi feels himself break down, the tears come quickly, warm and salty, dripping onto the no longer breathing boy.

 

_why why why_

 

Tsukishima’s not smiling, his eyes are shut tight and his lips are turned down into something like a frown, but still, Yamaguchi thinks he looks the best like this, the most beautiful and natural.

 

Yamaguchi throws his arms around his neck, sobbing, yelling at him to not be dead, to come back, but the body is limp and doesn’t respond.

 

How could this have happened? Tsukishima was in his arms just a few hours agos, they were as close to happiness as it seemed they could be, and suddenly Yamaguchi’s entire world tumbled down, leaving him in nothing but darkness. Even the shades of gray had just become shades of black.

 

“Please, live, Tadashi.”

 

Yamaguchi knows he will not be able to fulfill Tsukishima’s last wish.

 

_only human_

 

“Kei!”

 

Akiteru stumbles into the alley, drunkenly approaching his younger brother.

 

“It’s been a while.” He hiccups, grinning when he throws an arm around his shoulder.

 

Tsukishima thought he had lost him at the grocery store, but yet he had followed him, even to here.

 

After being gone for three years, he suddenly decides to show up? And drunk too?

 

“Go the fuck away, Aniki.” Tsukishima growls, shrugging out of his hold and trying to walk around him.

 

“But Kei, it’s been sooo looong.” Akiteru giggles, grabbing the back of Kei’s shirt.

 

Tsukishima’s about to turn around and kick him in the guts, when he hears a quiet groan, and the hand that was on him lets go.

 

“Akiteru--”

 

Suddenly there’s a gang of men on him, stabbing at him with a knife. They’re asking for money or something, one of them commenting on how Tsukishima almost looks like a girl. His hair is blonde and his eyes are golden and he’s pretty, he hears them say.

 

Soon there’s a hand sliding up his shirt, but Tsukishima kicks the man’s stomach, and he stumbles backward.

 

Tsukishima suddenly realizes there’s a large gash that’s dripping with blood, but he doesn't pay attention to it as he punches and kicks, lashing out on the group of strangers. His brother lays passed out on the concrete. Soon enough, the gang backs off, and Tsukishima can barely stand, let alone walk. He stumbles home, barely making it into his room before falling onto the floor. The bleeding still hasn’t stopped.

 

For some reason, he decides to smoke, and smoke, and smoke, and he feels dizzy. A brunette shadow enters his room, and though his vision is hazy, he knows it’s Yamaguchi.

 

He knows what his last words were, he had been thinking of what he would say when this moment of goodbye would come, he’s been thinking about it for as long as he can remember.

 

“Live, Tadashi.”

 

His eyes closed before he could see what sort of expression Yamaguchi would make at his words, and he deeply regrets it, along with millions of others things he could’ve done, things he should’ve done.

 

Like say those three words that could’ve saved them both. He could've saved Yamaguchi, could’ve stopped those scars from constantly forming. He was useless, so useless, surely even if he said those words Yamaguchi wouldn’t care, why would he? Because no, Tsukishima couldn’t believe someone could ever love him.

 

What he could’ve said didn’t matter, because those thoughts went unsaid, and they’re far from being saved, they always were.

 

_and i crash and i break down_

 

Tsukishima was strength.

 

He was invincible.

 

He was warmth.

 

He was perfect.

 

He was flawless.

 

_no, that’s not true_

 

He was cold.

 

He did have flaws.

 

He was not perfect.

 

He was weak.

 

Kei Tsukishima is gone.

 

And Yamaguchi has never felt so empty before.

 

_your words in head, knives in my heart_

 

Three weeks passed before the funeral, most of the school was there, though they seemed uninterested. It didn’t rain, Yamaguchi was surprised it didn’t, he was sure at least the skies would remorse with him.

 

He didn’t mean to stumble upon the letter, he was collecting what clothes he had left over at Tsukishima's, having trouble even removing them , because this was his home, where Tsukishima was, but now he had no one to return to.

 

The letter is wrinkled, covered in stains, Yamaguchi assumes it’s some sort of alcohol.

 

He unfolds it. flattening out the creases.

 

The first line is his name-- _Tadashi Yamaguchi_ \--in cursive, the handwriting is too familiar, and Yamaguchi doesn’t like how his heart begins to ache.

 

_Tadashi Yamaguchi,_

 

I _wonder if I’m gone yet._

_I guess I knew I was going to leave you one day, but I wasn’t sure if you would leave me first._

Yamaguchi’s fist tightens around the paper, his eyes scanning the rest of the letter.

 

_This is pathetic, really, leaving a note before I die? I’m couldn’t say when I’ll die, but if you’re reading this and I haven’t grabbed it out of your hands yet, then I can assume I’m really gone._

_It’s a really weird thought, imagining myself being dead. I’ve thought about it before, but what does it mean? Don’t we all die, so why does hold any special meaning? Life is short anyways, so what if we die young? Does it really matter?_

_Will all the memories we made while we lived suddenly disappear?_

_I suppose I’m trying to say that even when I die, if I go first, that you shouldn’t cry, because I know you would, and you probably will even though I’m telling you not too._

_You see, Yamaguchi, I was bound to die from the start. Nothing could ever change that. Aren’t we all bound to that same fate?_

_It’s pretty ridiculous, why are we to live if we’re only to die?_

_To be honest, I would’ve been gone long ago, but somehow, you made me want to stay._

_Isn’t that weird? Everyone thought you always followed me, that you always depended on me, but it was always the other way around._

_So, when I’m dead, I only have two requests._

_Don’t follow me, and also, don’t forget me, even if I’m not worth remembering._

_-Tsukishima Kei_

 

_oh, and tadashi?_

 

_you’re the closest I’ve ever gotten to loving someone._

 

In the corner, there’s a few more words scribbled, and Yamaguchi has to squint to read them.

 

_Actually, I’m pretty sure I do love you._

 

_So, sorry, Yamaguchi._

 

_I couldn’t save you._

 

Yamaguchi is shaking when he falls to the floor, his frail body trembling with sobs.

 

Why hadn’t he tried?

 

They could’ve had the happiness he so desired.

 

They could’ve lived an eternity beside each other, never failing to laugh and smile.

 

They could’ve been pain free, scar free, drug free.

 

They could’ve been happy.

 

_could’ve_

_why why why_

 

_you build me up and i fall apart_

 

Yamaguchi knew it was only a matter of time before he too left, but was it really leaving if there was no one he would be saying goodbye to?

 

Yamaguchi isn’t sure when he started taking the pills, swallowing the prescriptions meant for his father, but day after day, down they went.

 

He smokes for the first time and chokes on the cigarette, spitting it out. He doesn’t understand how Tsukishima could have ever enjoyed it.

 

The scars have been spreading, littering his arms and thighs, and he finds his reflection to be revolting, dark marks disappearing and reappearing constantly.

 

It doesn’t take much for him to break, a single “Useless,” and a slap from his father is enough.

Because now there isn’t someone to run too, Yamaguchi doesn’t know where to go. The blade cuts deep, and Yamaguchi keeps on pressing, waiting to see Tsukishima’s smile again.

 

Why was life so unfair? Always taking and rarely giving.

 

It hurts, the bleeding won’t stop, but Yamaguchi is relieved, because finally, it’s going to be over.

 

HIs suffering, his emptiness, he won’t be lonely anymore because he won't be living.

 

He wishes that somehow Tsukishima could’ve lived, that his mother never left, that his father wasn’t a drunk. He wonders how different things would’ve been if Tsukishima's father never died. if he and Yamaguchi had not grown up to be the empty bodies they were.

 

But if that were the case, would they have ever met?

 

Would Yamaguchi had moved away for his mother’s job, would Tsukishima have continued playing volleyball until he graduated?

 

Yamaguchi is surprised at how little he blames life for throwing him away, he is thankful he met Tsukishima, thankful even though he had pain and loneliness.

 

Because that loneliness was tolerable with Tsukishima.

 

If Yamaguchi could go back in time, if he could change himself and somehow keep things from falling apart, he doesn’t know if he would.

 

It was better this way, Yamaguchi reassures himself, to live a short life in pain but beside the one you love, rather than living longer, never knowing if you chose right or wrong.

 

Yamaguchi knows that this is probably the wrong choice, that he should’ve lived, for his and Tsukishima’s sake, but he only tells himself that it was meant to be,

 

Yamaguchi’s last breath is a murmur, three words and a name slurred together.

 

“I love you, Tsukki.”

 

_but i’m only human_

 

The Karasuno High Volleyball club attended the funeral of Yamaguchi, none of them spoke though. First Tsukishima and now him, could they have done something different? Could they have kept them alive?

 

Of course, they regret not being able to help them, they should’ve known there was something wrong when Tsukishima had quit, showing up to tell Daichi with bloodshot eyes.

 

Yamaguchi had followed him, leaving the next day.

 

Hinata had cried, he had cried at the funeral and he had cried at night and he had cried at practice, regretting all the names he had called Tsukishima, all the times he never spoke to Yamaguchi.

 

Kageyama did his best to comfort the boy, but he himself was at a loss. The rest of the team had little words, and practice was slow.

 

When the time came, they could not make it to nationals.

 

Never before had the world seemed so dark.

 

But it only took a while for things to return to normal, the third years graduated, though not smiling as they were supposed too, the dream of winning with their team had long since faded away. Before the knew it, even Kageyama and Hinata were moving on, going their separate ways and onto college.

 

People always change, their goals and dreams and aspirations are never truly defined. Yamaguchi often wondered where he and Tsukishima would end up in life, how far apart would they drift?

 

It was disappointing to Yamaguchi how harsh reality was, how easy it was for things to suddenly flip around, how easy it was for people to walk in and walk out.

 

Why?

 

Yamaguchi hoped that somehow, in the future, he and Tsukishima could have been happy, that if they had lived long enough, they would never part ways.

 

Because even if they changed, well, wouldn’t that have been for the better?

 

It was a little too late now, his last breath was wasted.

 

But, Yamaguchi is glad he doesn’t regret the time he spent with Tsukishima, whether he really was loved or not, he would never hear those words fall off those perfect lips. Still, he won’t regret it, because even if it was rare, even if he only felt it once every week or month or year, he was happy in those few moments, and that was more than enough.

 

_The road is dark and long, willow trees sway lightly where it splits off into two._

_"I'm sorry, Tsukki. In the end, I followed you."_

_The tall blonde figure says nothing._

_"I loved you, too, by the way." He adds in._

_The shadows continue down the path, the taller one going right, and the shorter one freezing, unsure of which route to take._

_“Oi, Tadashi.”_

_He jumps at the sound of his name, and quickly turns to follow the other boy._

_Tsukishima doesn’t turn to face the boy, only looking ahead into the darkness, but he knows he’s there._

_“Pathetic.”_

_Yamaguchi laughs and nods, “We really are.”_

_The two shadows disappear into the darkness, their hands clasped tightly together._

 

_we're only human._

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hsdkf thanks for reading


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